You know those days where you feel like you forgot to put on deodorant even though you know you did? That happens because Steve Carlsberg is a jerk.
Anyone who doesn’t like musicals because “no one just starts singing in dancing in real life” has clearly never visited my house
The thing is, if you read old books, you see references to people singing as they walked from place to place, to keep rhythm as they worked, to time how long to boil an egg (sing a minute-long song three times). Parents and teachers of small kids sang to them. Most people probably weren’t very good at singing, but the music was there.
Now…music is something for someone else to create and perform and for us to listen to. How many times have you heard someone sing a few bars of a song and then stop, apologizing profusely because they know they shouldn’t sing, since they aren’t any good?
Let me repeat that. They know they shouldn’t sing, since they aren’t any good.
Singing has shifted from a way of personally expressing emotion to a way of listening to others who can perform well expressing emotion in ways that you agree with.
It’s really important to teach your children that they do NOT have to hug or kiss anyone if they do not want to. Not you, not auntie, not grandma or grandpa. It is their body and they decide who they hug and kiss. I teach Kiddo this and, yeah, a few times I’ve had older relatives or friends seem hurt because she wouldn’t give them a peck, but I always explain to them, “She doesn’t have to kiss anyone if she doesn’t want to just like you don’t have to kiss anyone if you don’t want to.” and they usually understand.
This is something that always resonated with me as a kid and still does because I’m not a touchy-feely person as a result of a lot of circumstances of my upbringing (my assault mainly).
I don’t hug, I don’t kiss, and when people ask I simply make a face.
I’m going to teach my kids this as well. Stop asking people’s kids to hug and kiss you. You may view it as a harmless display of affection, but you’re conditioning them to believe that they don’t have any right to say no to people who “ask nicely”.
So stop doing that shit.
It all becomes simple when we stop feeling children are lesser people because of their size. Treat them as if they are the adults you want them to be, but before they learn. i.e., if we want them to be independent, we let them to do more and more things for themselves. If we want them to be competent cooks, we bring them into the food-making process, teach them about it, and let them help more and more as they age. If we want them to value their body and understand it is theirs to do with as they want, we start treating them that way when they are younger. Simple. Too many people have this bizarre idea that you can *talk* or lecture your kids into being who you want them to be. No, they must be taught and trained in being that person gradually over the years. (And still they will be just who they want in the end!)
Incidentally, I wrote a blog post at UMX on this very topic probably six or seven years ago. It made a little splash & got some resistance because some felt I was blaming parents for any sexual assaults of their children later in life. Obviously that’s not the hard causal line of this reasoning. And, frankly, silly reason to give for not considering the merits of the argument.
I’m happy to see this topic rise up again…. I’m happy to keep writing on the topic as time goes on.
As you might know, Sam Taylor-Johnson is directing the new 50 Shades of Grey movie. It’s due to come out in early 2015.
I’m going to go see it. As the administrator of this blog, I’d be remiss if I didn’t go see it. I doubt I’ll actively enjoy it, given that a) I don’t like the book and b) I haven’t liked the movies E.L. drew on/plagiarized to write the book. (I have yet to see Secretary, for the record.) That said, I think I’m going to find the 50 Shades movie much more tolerable than I have the book.
What do I think it will be like? AWFUL.
1) ELJ has maintained complete creative control of the project. She doesn’t want anything changed. Anything. She doesn’t seem to understand that books and movies are different mediums and that what works in a book won’t necessarily work in a movie. There have already been arguments between her and the director about that.
2) The screenwriter wasn’t even finished with the script when they started filming. I’m taking that as a bad sign.
3) The director is not particularly experienced. Most of her projects so far have been shorts, not feature-length movies.
4) There’s no story. Seriously, there isn’t. A young woman interviews a rich guy, who starts stalking her because she’s so hot. After she drunk-dials Creepy Rich Stalker when she’s out celebrating the end of finals, she passes out, and she wakes up half-naked in Creepy Rich Stalker’s bed the next day. She is not disturbed by this. They go on a cheap date; when they get back to his place, he hands her a mislabeled BDSM contract(he calls it a submissive contract, but since he wants total control all the time, it’s really a slave contract). The girl is confused since she doesn’t know what BDSM is.
And then they fuck. A lot. Seriously, that’s 95% of FSOG—and the rest of the series as well. Repetitive, boring and vanilla fucking, honestly. There’s nothing unusual about necktie bondage, blowjobs, cunnilingus or spankings. But the series (and presumably the movie) treats these things as if they are DARK and EDGY.
Hellspawn also rapes Anaconda several times, though the book doesn’t use that term. No, it talks about things like him “fucking her into submission” (Chapter 12, when he’s furious that she dared to tell him that BDSM wasn’t her thing, so goodbye—and never mind that she was joking, she sounded serious) or “punishment fucks” (Chapters 16 and 20 to 21, for the terrible crimes of a) rolling her eyes at him and b) refusing to let him finger-fuck her at the dining table in front of his parents). In fact, Ana only avoids a beating in the latter case because she allows him to fuck her and deny her an orgasm. She was under emotional duress; she feared physical harm. In Washington state, that’s called “rape in the third degree.” Over and over, Hellspawn uses sex as a weapon—which he admits to doing in Chapter 13 of FSOG in exactly those words—against a woman who hasn’t consented to this. He also threatens to fuck her (read: rape her) publicly in an elevator as punishment for being late and to fuck her (read: rape her) on the hood of her new car when she’s insufficiently grateful for it.
Lots of sex and multiple rapes aren’t a story. There’s not a lot for Dakota Johnson to do in this movie except be scared, be confused and be orgasmic. And there’s not a lot for Jamie Dornan to do except be a controlling abuser who wants to screw all the time. (Only, of course, the movie won’t acknowledge that Hellspawn’s an abuser—or that he’s a BDSM poser.)
5) The moment has passed. Master of the Universe was posted online in 2010. The books were published in 2011 by Writer’s Coffee Shop; the Vintage Press versions came out in early 2012. While the books were popular then, a great many people are now giving the books to charity shops or simply throwing them away. The books can’t even be recycled because of the glue in the binding. That, more than anything, tells me that people don’t like it or want it around anymore.
I don’t think that people will be that eager to see the movie when it comes out in 2015. The Fifty Shades trilogy is not the phenomenon that it was three years ago—or four, if you want to count from MOTU’s first posting.
I predict that it will have a sensational opening weekend—perhaps a decent week or two—and then, once reviews and word of mouth get out, it will tank within the month.
Medieval Studies, Fordham University
Flotan on þam Folce: The Battle of Maldon in Its Own Time
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